How do I tell her?

Tonight we (kids and I) we in the car so I decided to call my Aunt to check up on Dad. I spoke to my cousin and she let me know that Dad was continuing to decline. He is comfortable, meds are regulated great, but last night he passed out and today almost fell. He is no longer getting up at all. He was delivered a hospital bed and a walker. Tonight the nurses were going to come over to help get him in the bed and give him a bath. I like to call and check up on my dad, but it really changes my mood and feelings for the rest of the day. This is why I only call to check up in the evening.

So, anyway, when I got off the phone I was crying. Maddie asks me why I am always crying when I get off of the phone. So I told her I was upset that Grandpa was sick. She began to ask more questions, So I just told her... "Grandpa is getting read to go to heaven." She was a little shocked, thought about it for a second and said (tearfully), "Is Jesus going to take care of him?" "Will he be all better in Heaven?" I of course answered YES! She said, " I hope I get to see him again before he goes." "Maddie you probably will not." I replied. She began to cry harder and said, "but I want to say Goodbye before he dies!." Oh how I feel so bad for her. I want to say goodbye too! I know how she feels. I just know that I can not take her there. I do not want her last memory of my dad to be laying in a bed and not looking his best.

My heart aches for her tonight. I wish I could have sugar coated it better, but she really gets it now. She even asked me if he will see all the people she knows that are in Heaven. And I said YES. The other day we talked about people we know that are in heaven. And she was right on... I am proud of her for the way she reacted and now I think she will understand my tears more. I just hope that it does not affect her in too many other ways!

I think we will draw Grandpa some more pictures tomorrow! If anyone has any other suggestions for me on how to deal with death with a 5 year old I would love to talk! Thank you everyone for your prayer and your kind words, they really mean a lot!