UPDATE ON DAD

We have had several second opinions and they are all telling what the Dr's in the hospital said. Chemo really is not an option. They said he could do it, but it would only, at the very longest, make his life about 12 months longer, but that is rare.

Currently Dad is not eating much and sleeps alot. He is still taking all his medications and is comfortable. It takes him a ton of energy to take a shower. The Dr's have told us that organs will begin to fail, he will stop eating, and he will sleep alot. The sleep will turn into a coma and then he will die comfortably in his sleep.

This is so hard to write. I know that mentally preparing for someones death is a little easier than a sudden death, but GOD DAMN is this hard. Every day I am scared to answer the phone for fear that it is going to be a bad phone call. I used to let Maddie answer every call, now I never let her answer the phone.

I realized yesterday that my feelings were showing on the outside and were affecting my kids. We had a very bad day yesterday. I was short on patience and the kids seems to be SO BAD.. then I realized it was my attitude wearing off on them. I went to bed last night telling myself that I will not let this affect my kids on a daily basis. I need to be strong for them and MYSELF. This is a hard feat, but today i did it. We playing this morning at Boro Kid Zone and then outside with the neighbors. It is amazing that when I bury my emotions and how much better the kids are. I am going to try my hardest to keep that in mind... They need me and when I am a wreck, so are they.

I am not saying that I wont have my bad days, but I am going to try very hard to vent on my blog and to family after bedtime and not during the day with my kids!